5 Ways to Navigate Life as a Highly Sensitive Man

Fully taking in some rest and respite, at a natural hot springs in La Fortuna, Costa Rica

Life can sometimes feel as if it’s moving at an overwhelming pace at times.

This is especially true for the more empathic and sensitive types, as they (myself included) tend to be sponges that can easily pick up elements in the environment that are only able to be explained from an intuitive scope.

It wasn’t until 7 years ago that I became consciously aware of not only my sensitive nature, but that I also was an introvert too.

Though I’m not one who’s big on labels, when I came across the results of my 16 personalities test, my mouth was literally as wide as a snake trying to swallow its prey.

Seeing the letters INFJ appear upon my results page, brought a whole range of all kinds of thoughts and emotions to me.

1.     I held a judgement as introversion being “bad” or some type of curse, only being held for computer nerds who geeked out on spending all their time behind a screen (shout out to those of you who would ‘identify’ yourself as this though, as I still got love for you).

2.     The title to describe INFJ was the “Advocate or Counselor” – This bothered me because at the time I was in a high tier Sales Executive role and my immediate perception was that I had busted my tail to join the six-figure club, and would now need to say goodbye to it, as that lifestyle didn’t seem to align with the counseling or healing professions (which by the way isn’t true).

3.     I saw pictures of people like Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Teresa as being well-known celebrities who would be classified as INFJ’s today (and while I have immense love for all them… I knew that the work I was doing was not in alignment to bringing forth the highest essence of that type of vibe to the forefront).

At the time I felt like it was a death sentence.

A sensitive, introverted, and African-American man, who was working in a highly extroverted position, where he was responsible for selling a product that would be the equivalent of selling Ferrari’s.

Again, no judgement to any of the Ferrari salesman out there (as I got love for you too).

However, a huge insight occurred for me at that time as well.

You see I had completely transformed my health the prior year.

Going from feeling countless levels of mental fatigue, dips in energy, and overall diminishing levels of productivity and performance.

As someone who was in a highly competitive, more extroverted office (myself and about twenty other employees had desks in the same open space), and overall pressurized position, I intuitively recognized after my health had completely transformed, that there needed to be some type of shift for me as far as professional work.

Once incident that came to mind was at one of the home games (I worked in the NFL) where there was a max capacity of fans (over 100K, yes that’s 100,000 people).

I could feel my system go on high alert as soon as the doors opened and patrons began to enter.

Even from my office, I could hear the backdrop of conversations, screams with excitement, and wild banter, penetrating through the walls.

Once I stepped out into the actual fish bowl (where all the seats are exposed and the field is easily seen), I noticed my body would oftentimes go into a slight panic.

I could ‘feel’ all the energies around me.

The flashing lights throughout the main concourse.

The brightness of the 70-yard video screen.

The people drunkenly arguing and screaming back and forth at one another, as I walked through the end zones.

I literally found myself slightly running (ok, more like brisk walking) to a private bathroom (the ones intended to be used for only for parents with small children), in order to recenter myself.

Once I got in there I locked the door, went into the sitting stale, closed my eyes, and began to focus on my breath.

“What the hell is wrong with me” I thought?

I felt embarrassed and confused.

Plus, there was no way I was going to tell any of my colleagues or peers about this.

I knew I would be met with a mockery of laughter or on the receiving end of many jokes, if I shared this with some of my male counterparts.

However, here I was now, sitting in front of my desk.

I began reading more of the INFJ description, to fully ‘be’ with and take all of this new experience in.

Moments later I began to feel a bubbling up in my throat, as well as a slight constriction in my eyes.

Uh oh, I was actually getting ready to cry.

Not only that, but in the middle of a workday and in front of more than 20 colleagues (80% being men).

I then abruptly got up from my seat and ran (actually more of brisk but intentional jog), and went again to another bathroom stall (though this time in the main restrooms).

After locking the door outside, I sat on the toilet (suit pants on and all), and began pouring out emotions of tears.

Tears that came out of nowhere, but continued to flood through me, as I shifted between feeling seen, heard, and overall lighter (as well as freer).

It was the first time I had ever read something that described my life, characteristics, and traits in such great depth and accurate detail.

On that day (which was Nov 14th of 2014 – I know this because I still have the original e-mail with the results saved to my favorites), a huge lightbulb went off for me.

For years leading up to that point (and throughout most of my life if I’m being honest), I thought something was wrong with me.

I didn’t understand (consciously), why I felt emotions so deeply.

Why one time even while making my routine weekly dry clean pick up, that I could feel the pain and sadness in one of the workers (Henry) face, upon him placing my freshly cleaned clothes in my back seat.

The instant I saw his face, I became emotional (though choosing to hold onto my tears until exiting the drive thru).

I cried my eyes out on the 25-minute commute to work.

I tried to hold back but I couldn’t.

I could truly ‘feel’ his pain.

I knew I hadn’t seen him in a while previously, and when I asked one of the other gentlemen at the cleaners where he was, he stated that he had been let go, for not showing up to work for multiple shifts.

To me it didn’t matter whatever it was that he did, I felt deep compassion and empathy for him, as it was clear as day on his face that he was in a tough spot.

Even as I’m typing this now, I’m being brought to tears (albeit in the middle of a virtual co-working session – though I’m letting the tears flow effortlessly this time).

Back to the personality results and what they ultimately led to.

I began becoming even more diligent to putting more time and attention towards my ideal life.

How would that look, what would I be doing, where would I live, how much money would I desire within it.

All of these started to take a deeper priority in my life.

Here are the first three steps that created the most clarity for me, as to how that new life would look.

1.     Writing out ALL the things I loved

2.     Creating an Ideal Day Story

3.     Listening to uplifting podcasts and overall people who were energetically doing aspects in life, which I felt deeply aligned to

To take this even a step further, I created a manifesto of the top five ways to navigate life as a highly sensitive man, which ultimately leads to living with more peaceful, mindful productivity, and authentic happiness.

1.    Set Clear Boundaries

Rather than lean on ‘expecting’ others to understand me (and oftentimes inwardly hold it against them if they didn’t), I began to create clearer communication of my desires, needs, and non-negotiable ‘no’s.’

One of the areas where this played the most integral parts for me, was in saying the words “no,” whenever I was presented with opportunities or aspects that I truly didn’t feel aligned or excited to do.

I had spent most of my life being a people pleaser (you can read “How to Stop Being a People Pleaser” here), that this was extremely difficult for me to truly begin embodying.

A book that I read, which greatly helped in creating more self-awareness around my habits of saying “yes” too frequently, was “The Power of No” by James Altucher.”

After reading that book and intentionally cultivating a deeper practice in my ability to say the word (while allowing myself to feel all the uncomfortable bodily sensations that often appeared, especially towards the beginning), I can say my relationship to the word is vastly different today (as I openly embrace it).

2.    Create Space in Solitude Each Day

Sensitive and empathic types absolutely need to create space for themselves, each and every day.

I understand each and every one us are different, in that some may have a more effortless opportunity to create as much time and space alone as they wish, while others may find it bit more challenging.

 However the most important piece is to create something.

Rather it’s 20-30 minutes at the same period each day, in order to just ‘be,’ or if you’re in a place where you can create mini buffers of 10-20 minutes of “nothing time” every hour, honoring this has been a gamechanger in my own personal life.

Outside of a daily 20-30-minute meditation practice, I also create a minimum of 30-45 minutes (usually it’s an hour) of nothing time, after each of my tasks (including after the completion of coaching calls, writing sessions, or periods where I’ve been around more than handful of people for 2-3 hours).

I also honor this by connecting my bare feet to the grass outside (multiple times a day), in order to reset and recharge my mind and body (by energetically connecting to natural minerals and healing compounds of mother earth).

3.    Surround Yourself with Uplifting People

This is an absolutely crucial one.

We are a culmination of the five people we surround ourselves with.

As in physics, ‘like’ attracts ‘like.’

If you’re surrounding yourself with positive, supportive, and loving people; then naturally that form of energy rubs off onto you too.

Rather it be a friend, relative, group that is interested in the same things you are, or a mentor who believes in you (and not only verbalizes but conveys it through their actions), choose to be around people who inspire you.

People who are already in places you desire to be, or are actively in the same pursuit as yourself, so you can co-create and learn even more (than what you would, by being around others who don’t bring that sense of light into your life).

Each and every one is on their own individual life journey, so if it’s necessary to say goodbye or let go of others on your present path (who no longer align to what you desire to bring forth into the world), then send love and appreciation for all that you’ve learned from said person about yourself, while at the same time gracefully sending well wishes to wherever their path may continue to lead them.

4.    Be Very Gentle with Your Triggers

We all have emotional ‘soft spots’ that when flickered, can cause us to become uncomfortable, anxious, and overall more stressed.

When we recognize what these triggers are, we’re then able to observe them from a birds-eye view (not only as they appear, but throughout the process of ‘feeling’ them in the moment too).

If we choose to be gentle and loving towards whatever is showing up for us (that is causing a certain level of contraction, tightness, or withdrawal inside of our bodies), then the temporary wave of emotions is able to fully felt, leading to a much shorter process of it being released.

When we judge a certain emotion or feeling as ‘bad,’ then we create a sense of energetically communicating to ourselves and bodies that we’re ‘bad.’

This leads to even more building up of tension, oftentimes graduating into longer periods of anxiety or stress.

If we can ‘feel’ whatever it is that we’re experiencing in the moment, while embracing it from a curious and open nature, then the grip of whatever the uncomfortable emotion is, loses its power.

A communicative example would be:

“I notice I feel anxious at this time. There’s a certain level of slight tightness in my chest and I also feel a pressure towards the right side of my shoulders.”

Creating a statement of noticing the emotions, then continuing to breathe deeply into the belly (we all tend to breathe shallower and from our chest when we feel stressed), leads to that emotional state filtering through the entire body.

You can then also choose to pay attention to how the energy shifts inside of you, when you allow the breath to be the anchor (rather than the mind).

I’d invite you to ask yourself, when do you normally feel an uncomfortable emotion of anger, sadness, or frustration (and how does it appear inside of your body).

After recognizing the more frequent periods of whenever said emotion shows up for you, try approaching the feeling in a more gentle, curious, and compassionate way (just like I shared above).

5.    Create Your Ideal Day

I list this step last, because it’s a very very powerful one.

If I were to ask you, in this moment, what is your ideal day, would you be able to effortlessly share it?

Of course, there’s maybe two different ones, albeit if we’re separating a typical work day from a vacation (however for clarity, lets aim towards the work day to begin with).

What time would you wake up?

What would your schedule look like?

What would you be doing?

Where would you be living?

These are just a few prompts to help you get started.

I mention this as being very powerful at the beginning, because it matters.

If you recognize yourself as being more sensitive or empathic, then it’s important to also honor that your days will typically need to spent differently, than the vast majority of other people.

You’ll need to ensure you’re eating the right quality and quantity of foods.

Maybe you need to create more down time for you to rest and refresh your mind.

Or what if you worked for only a specific amount of time (doing what you love, by the way), in order to keep your body and mind in greater homeostasis or balance.

How does that sound to you?

Better yet, how does that ‘feel’ inside of your body as you read it?

The body is always communicating to us, so the more highly aware and in tune we become of it, the more clearly we’re able to create our lives in harmony with what it truly desires.

All in all, I hope this has been helpful to you, as I know it’s been greatly beneficial within my own unique path.

Always remember, your sensitivities, empathic nature, and open heart are powerful strengths.

As when they are embraced and honored as allies, that’s when the creative magic of life can not only be seen, but truly begin to unfold.

With much Peace & Love,

Brandon

🙏🏿💜

P.S. -
 

-       If you’re in a place where you desire to slow down and gain crystal clear clarity on the next best step forward in tapping into your highest potential, I invite you to set up a complimentary 30-minute Clarity Call to discuss more with me here.

-       Also, for those of you who may have missed my my two most recent articles before this (5 Observations from 2 Years of Not Drinking + Why Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship), you can check them out in the prior links too.