Why Your Deepest Wound is Your Greatest Superpower

What we resist, persists.

Have you ever heard that saying or quote before?

Each and every one of us knows how it feels to have an uncomfortable area poked or triggered within our lives.

It’s the beautiful part of being human.

Why would I say it’s beautiful you may thinking?

Because whatever disturbs our peace, is a gift in showing us exactly the areas within our lives that could use more self-love and inner healing.

At certain times in our lives we’re unconscious of what these wounds are. However, we all have experienced periods in our lives where we went through a transformative shift.

Leaving behind one way of thinking or seeing ourselves, that at one point was maybe in alignment with the vision we created, only to later on realize that the perception we previously held is no longer ideal or congruent to us evolving into our next life stage of growth.

Think back to playing with toys as a young kid.

There was a time when that was all one really wanted to do in their free time.

I remember playing with GI Joes, Leggo’s, and small model cars.

My imagination would roam as I’d fly the cars throughout the air, pretending I was on my way to a friend’s house (or in another planet all together).

The same went for the GI Joes too, as I’d create scenarios of me doing a battle royale between each figure I had in each hand. Adding the sound effects of each punch to the equation too.

However, there was a point when those toys no longer interest me, and I frankly put them away.

Unforced, as it wasn’t anything that another coarsed me into doing.

This was all to my own fruition, as my desire to continue playing with them was no longer aligned with my present interests.

I’m sure you can relate right? 

What does this have to do with inner wounds being a superpower you may thinking though.

Well, please allow me to retort J

Our wounds are the opposite areas of where we place our attention or imagination.

Why is that?

Because our wounds are the tender areas inside of us that when pressed against, can create a physiological contraction rather than expansion in our bodies.

It starts as an emotional or mental response in how we perceive or ‘feel,’ towards a certain event that has a strong energetic memory in our bodies.

What do I mean by this?

Our subconscious mind and the beliefs we hold of ourselves is what we filter out into our conscious and physical worlds.

If there’s a belief based on a past memory (that creates a sense of hurt or pain), then that energetic expression is what we bring out into the world anytime a similar event or occurrence happens in our present realities.

Does that make sense?

I’ll use myself as an example.

Growing up, certain experiences I had, led to me creating the perception that it wasn’t safe for me to express my feelings.

I remember crying a couple days after Christmas when I was six years young.

I had just received a radio bike then and was super excited about not only the opportunity to ride around the neighborhood, but to of course listen to my favorite music on the radio too.

It was the closest thing to me having a car in my imagination (and I was elated about it).

So why was I crying two days after Christmas then?

Because my bike was stolen.

I left it outside for no more than 10 minutes as I ran into the house to eat a quick sandwich for lunch.

Well, what I failed to do was lock it up with a chain against the stairs of my then apartment complex.

I was first overcome by surprise when I walked outside to no longer see it there.

Then the shock quickly transitioned to anger, after not being able to find or locate the bike while frantically running around the complex in search of it.

The anger then became sadness, as I felt helpless.

Tears began to roll down my face as I explained to my dad that it wasn’t fair.

He quickly told me to cut it out and stop crying (as if he was repulsed in a way by my tears).

When I didn’t immediately, he then yelled at me to stop (I could sense the anger in his voice).

Not feeling safe, I then wiped my tears and put on my best face, to comply to his wishes.

Why do I mention this?

Because this was one of the first memories I had where I was shown that the expression of outward sadness (leading to tears) was an “absolute no no,” and not to be done in front of my pops.

I remember feeling a deep contraction in my body then.

One that whenever future moments occurred where I felt the desire or need to express sadness or tears, I would unconsciously contract (closing myself off from the ability to allow the emotions to move through me).

Without me knowing it, this created a behavior pattern of suppression of my emotions around sadness.

Take away the societal beliefs that many young boys receive around being tough, strong, and not a “pussy.”

This crystalized into an early experience of not feeling safe to communicate my emotions with other boys or men, and that graduated into the experience of truly not trusting men for many many years (which I didn’t develop a true conscious awareness of until over 20 years later).

Why do I mention this?

Because this used to be one of my most sensitive wounds – the authentic expression of my emotions.

The pattern I had created in my early childhood lived out in my friendships, intimate relationships, and within my professional career.

I could easily be with emotions around happiness or joy, however when it came to feeling sadness or hurt, I would not only close off (which by the way is a natural human biological response, as it protects us), but I developed a story that my sadness was either unwarranted (as it wasn’t real) or that it really didn’t matter (as in there could be danger in sharing it with another person – specifically a man).

This pattern also naturally led to the inability to channel anger in a healthy way (which is possible when there’s an awareness of the emotion being a temporary state, just like any other emotion).

For many years I felt a huge burden on my shoulders (without even knowing why).

The burden was all the energy around sadness and anger that I was feeling, which had transitioned into resentment towards others.

I adopted a victim consciousness or mindset when it came to the reasoning of why I felt certain emotions.

It was always the ‘others’ fault.

It was my mother’s fault for _____.

It was my father’s fault for______.

It was my partners fault for _____.

It was my friends’ fault for ____.

It was my employers’ fault for _____.

I didn’t take any personal responsibility for my own emotional experience, and how deep down all of the emotions were great teachers.

Over the years I attended different group type of therapies that were centered around authentic intimate connection (which was centered around tuning into and expressing what one felt in the present moment – without being judged or ridiculed by any of it).

That was a hell of a mirror for me, in the sense of truly seeing what was permeating through my psyche and how I created blame or non-serving stories around others and their personal expression.

I then joined a men’s group which ultimately was the first time in my entire life that I expressed certain emotions of sadness and anger in a safe space with others (outside of a one-to-one setting).

What I realized was that many others were experiencing or going through the exact same aspects themselves.

This created a coherence and level of trust that I had never experienced before in my entire life.

We cried, laughed, sometimes had heated arguments and disagreements too, but it taught me how to truly be with my emotions in the present, communicate how I felt and what I needed in order to feel supported (sometimes that was just an open space to express, while other times what I truly needed was space and quietness to process exactly what it was that I was feeling).

This was a beautiful, challenging, frustrating, opening, and transformative experience for me.

One that I recognize at the time, was very much needed in my life for me to take the next step in my own personal evolution.

I’m not perfect by any stretch, but I learned how to recognize who it was safe for me to express my emotions to in a private capacity, how to channel my anger in a more useful way (rather than completely shutting down or projecting it onto others), how to be comfortable with expressing my feelings around hurt or sadness (without blaming the other person), and I truly learned how to not only allow tears to channel through me (when the desire for that form of energy to move through me), but also how to be graceful in allowing and surrendering to all bodily sensations in the moment.

What we resist, persists.

But when we are able to approach our emotions from a place of realizing that whatever we may feel is only temporary (if we truly allow it to move through us), then we are able to more mindfully ‘be’ with the variety of how they show up, while creating new healthier behavioral patterns in responding (rather than reacting) to a stimulus immediately.

If you can relate to certain aspects of my own personal story, and desire to begin that process of creating these new forms of relating to your emotions, here are three steps that I’ve found to be extremely helpful to begin incorporating.

Like with anything, patience and consistency is needed in order to really create a new change (as Rome wasn’t built in a night), so please remember that, while at the same time, please also allow yourself to be gentle and forgiving for those inevitable times where you may feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to follow through.

1.     Anytime you feel an emotional trigger (through an event or words expressed to you by another), take 5 deep breaths. Breathe into the bottom of your belly through the nose, and exhale all the air out of your lungs through your mouth (allow the exhale to be long and full)

2.     Bring awareness to the positioning of your body during this time. Are you slouching your shoulders, crossing your arms/legs, or contracting your body so that it’s becoming smaller? If so, (which again, is a normal human physiological response for protection), then intentionally open your chest, uncross your legs, and place your arms open to the side of your body. This creates a new pattern and cellular expression inside of your body, one where you’ll overtime naturally create the same openness and stance as when you feel happy or joyful (thus creating more of an embrace and ability to more effectively lean into that state).

3.     Lastly, gently bring awareness to the emotion that you’re feeling in the present moment. An example would be, “I feel sad, happy, frustrated, anger, or surprise/shock.” Do this inwardly, no need to verbalize at this particular stage. As all you’re doing is mindfully bringing attention to how it is that you feel in the present moment (without judgement). By recognizing, honoring, and acknowledging the emotion that you feel, the emotion in itself loses its power. As you’re embracing it, rather than suppressing or stuffing it.

Again, just like with anything else, practice equals progress.

If helpful for you, maybe highlight and print those steps and put them in a place where you can see or easily access them, as the more intention you place around yourself and emotional awareness, the more you’ll overtime begin to notice how what was once an inner most wound, can gradually over time, become one of your most beautiful and greatest superpowers.

With Love,

Brandon