Why I Hired a Men's Coach
Earlier in the year, I had a coaching session where I was on the receiving end of support.
The coach's name was Clay, and the story of how I came across this particular Men’s Coach was rather interesting.
In November of 2019, my partner and I began attending Unity Church of the Hills, located in Austin, Texas.
Admittedly, while we both felt a deep connection to the messaging and collective vibe of the congregation while there, we ultimately didn’t continue to attend on a consistent basis.
However, the first time there left an impression on me.
As someone who grew up in organized religion (Baptist via Christianity to be exact), I always questioned certain aspects on an intuitive level, as to my relationship to any specific sector of organized religion.
I always had this inner sense that Jesus was the highest expression of Christ Consciousness in human form, therefore I didn’t quite understand him being conveyed as separate or unattainable by any other man.
I believe his qualities of unconditional love, compassion, and selfless service, are a beautiful model on what’s actually possible at the highest octave of the human experience.
However, this particular writing isn’t geared towards speaking too deeply of my own personal beliefs (as the short version of that would be, in addition to what I mentioned above, that I believe we are all interconnected and that The Creator/God is a part of each and every being on the entire planet, and his/her will is expressed through us by connecting to our hearts and living a life of true service onto others).
Hopefully that’s short and clear enough for the time being ;- )
Anyway, back to why this particular session was interesting for me, and the backstory of how our paths interjected in the first place.
So back in late 2019, after attending my first Sunday service at Unity Church, I perused into the bookstore afterwards to take a scander as to what type of texts and authors I might find.
This led to feeling an even deeper connection, as a good portion of the books that I had already read and felt aligned too, were crowded on the shelves.
Some examples of these were:
- Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza
- A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
- I Can See Clearly Now by Wayne Dyer
- Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch
- The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
This was a second indicator of resonance for me, that I was in the right place.
As I then proceeded to walk towards the exit, my awareness was brought to look at a business card on the checkout counter (with a book draped right above it).
The book was called “Circle of Men” and the author’s name was Clay Boykin.
Interesting I thought.
I had actually just recently finished being a part of a Men’s Group Coaching program led by Preston Smiles.
Upon grabbing the card, I noticed that on it, his professional title was Life Coach for Men and the card also highlighted that there were ongoing men’s network meetings every Monday evening at the church.
Fascinating I thought.
I then proceeded to grab the book, flip it to the back, as I read the following: then take a look at the bio of the author.
“What is in a man’s heart? As a man, you are the only person who truly knows, and the likelihood is that you protect what’s at your very core from other men and perhaps the woman, or partner in your life.
But it is with your heart where your deepest questions are left unanswered. Fear of being vulnerable or shame keeps us from connecting with another man, yet it is only when we open our heart that these questions get answered.”
Interesting.
I then flipped open the book to read a bit of his bio:
“Clay Boykin is a former United States Marine Corps officer, and in 2007, after 38 years in the corporate world, a mystical experience sent Clay on a journey through his own dark night of the soul, later emerging to find his path.
Clay's life purpose is to help make the world a better place by helping raise compassion consciousness among men.
Today, as a life skills coach and business leader, Clay has developed a compassionate and counterintuitive approach to helping people and organizations find their purpose, direction and path in the world.”
Wow, that’s pretty damn interesting (was instantly my next thought).
The reason I was finding this so interesting at the time was because just prior to this point, I was in the process of going deeper into many issues that men struggle with, based on my own personal experiences of being a man who wore a mask and suppressed my sensitivities for most of my life.
One of the aspects that I was already aware of within myself, was that with my way of communicating, I tended to attract more women who were interested in working with me.
Speaking about topics pertaining to love, authenticity, emotional expression, and vulnerability, were areas that I found more women to clearly be more interested in diving into and receiving support around.
Also, I had a deep passion for holistic health and wellness, which was another area where women had a significantly alarming interest in, over men.
I remember going through a previous online training which stated that over 75% of all coaches in the health and wellness space were women.
However, I intuitively knew this was the case before even seeing that statistic, as all of the programs I had invested in throughout the years (like yoga, meditation, holistic nutrition, and qigong), were heavily slanted towards women being the other attendees.
Though I will say I’ve seen a vast increase of men who are not only interested in holistically enhancing all areas of themselves (physical, mental, and emotional health).
I’ve also seen growth in men’s openness to being supported on developing deeper levels of body awareness too (which is an area that I recognize as a superpower for me, as the years and journey of life have fortunately knocked me over the head enough to recognize and fully embrace this highly sensitive skill).
Any who, let’s get back to the bookstore :- )
So, after reading through Clay’s brief bio on the back of the book, I then placed it down, relooked at it, and then felt a nudge to grab one of his cards on the counter (placing it in my wallet).
Over many months I saw Clay’s card in my wallet, though I never chose to reach out or attend any of the men’s groups he facilitated.
In the time sense, I actually created multiple of my own men’s coaching groups, which included a small handful of heart-centered and very growth-oriented men, focused on elevating in all areas of their lives (emotionally, communicatively, financially, and within their relationships)
Fast forward and it was now close to the end of the 2020 calendar year.
This was a big time for me as my partner and I relocated abroad to Costa Rica.
Not only that, we completely sold off all of our belongings, choosing to intentionally enter the country with a couple suitcases and a backpack.
Shortly after this period of time, I closed up the final session of the then 1-year group that I had led.
It was the same men from start to finish, and I was pleased with how much personal and professional growth all of us had experienced within the space together.
There was only one problem though.
I was so used to coaching and supporting other clients via 1:1 or in a group setting, that I had relatively forgotten how it was to truly have space held for me (allowing room for me to be coached or mentored).
Sure, last year I worked with two coaches in particular.
One of which was in a coed group setting with eight other coaches, while the other was a seasoned female coach, who supported me in a small intimate group with only 2-3 others present (mainly women).
However I had reached a point where I genuinely felt frustrated and stuck myself.
I was in a new country and I believe being thrown off of my routine, on top of all the intentional work and necessary actions that were needed to take in the months leading up to this move, left me feeling like I could use support myself.
I resorted to doing what I always do when I feel a bit stuck in a situation.
I closed my eyes and asked “what would serve me at this time?”
What came to me was reading a few new men’s books that may help provide a spark.
A few of these that I read were:
- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
- The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
- And a re-reading of “Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida
While I received countless insights from all of these books, I still felt like there was something else I desired more.
While on an Amazon search for a new book, I came across a recommendation to one that I instantly knew looked familiar.
I’ll give you one guess as to what it was…
If you mumbled “Circles of Men” by Clay Boykin, you would’ve mumbled correctly :- )
Wow, I thought.
How interesting.
I then went to his website and instantly remembered certain pieces about him that I had read throughout the previous year.
I then immediately purchased the book, sent him an email, and set up a couple sessions to be supported by him in the 1:1 capacity.
At this time it had been close to half a year since I had been professionally supported by a man in a one-on-one capacity.
Of course, there had been the other coaches, as well as the group I mentioned earlier, but this was different.
I knew that what I desired was to connect deeply with another man.
A man who was compassionate, empathetic, strong, and would create the space for me to truly relax and express all that I needed.
I instantly felt a release.
Not only that, some of the work we did was a beautiful reminder of my top 5 strengths via StrengthsFinder, which were:
1. Strategic
2. Futuristic
3. Intellection
4. Relator
5. Connectedness
He put together a beautiful mind map that really helped me gain clarity for myself in a couple different areas that I was not necessarily seeing from my own perspective.
How interesting right?
A Personal Clarity Coach (myself), receiving support by another coach in order to gain more clarity. 🤔
Many years ago, there is no way I would’ve been open to not only receiving this level of support, but authentically sharing this aspect around my need as well to be in a space where I could be on the receiving end too.
However, I believe everything happens for a reason.
There was a reason I came to church that Sunday.
A reason I chose to go into the bookstore (when a part of me was actually thinking of just leaving right after the service).
There’s a reason why I came across his book and card that day.
There’s a reason why I felt led to put his card in my wallet.
And there’s a reason why even though I disposed of the card just before moving abroad, God chose to interject, bringing our paths together again.
All of this to say there’s a beautiful and magical aspect to being open to ‘receiving.’
Yes, giving and ‘doing’ is just as great too, as I wouldn’t have come across him if I didn’t do the work in reaching out, as well as the financially ‘giving’ piece too.
However, even with that, I surrendered and communicated to the universe that I was truly ready to receive.
To place my ego to the side and proactively ask to be in dialogue with another man whom I felt I could trust.
Someone who didn’t make it about himself, but genuinely about creating and being in a safe space to support another brother.
It’s not a black, white, Latino, Asian, or whatever ethnicity or culture thing in my eyes.
It’s an energy thing.
As when we strip away all the labels, personalities, values, and perceived differences between us, what is left?
I’ll tell you, love is what’s left.
Love is at the core of our entire being.
Love is what expands us and highlights the genius that we all have within.
Love is what creates the foundation of togetherness.
A togetherness that starts with ourselves, and is transmuted to how we show up and interact with each and every being that we may come across.
We live, we learn, and we open ourselves up to synchronicities that are truly divine.
Synchronicities that are key catalysts in us progressing forward within this beautiful (and sometimes unexplainable) thing we called human life.
Always remember, “iron sharpens iron.” (Proverbs 27:17)
Each and every man at one time or another needs support and uplifting.
If you’re in a present place where this rings true, I advise you to close your eyes, open your heart, and ask what would truly serve you at this time?
As when we intentionally take one step forward, no more no less, the next is then revealed.
With Love,
Brandon
P.S. –
If you feel stuck and would like to look into the receiving 1:1 life transforming support, you may set up a 30-minute complimentary coaching call with me here, to see if working together may be a mutual fit.
