5 Observations from 2 Years of Not Drinking
Enjoying a club soda with lime in Tamarindo, Costa Rica :-)
My last drink was April 25th, 2019 (two years prior to this exact same day).
I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since.
It’s interesting to reflect back on at this time, as my original inspiration to experiment with creating some space from it, actually came through one of my clients (if you prefer to read more of that back story, you can do so here).
However, I can truly say that I don’t miss it.
I would’ve never classified myself as an alcoholic previously, by any stretch of the imagination (though depending on what period in life you knew me, some people may openly refute that).
However, one thing I can say is that I’m personally committed to self-mastery, with the intention of tapping into my fullest potential while I’m still alive here on this planet.
Approaching life from that scope has led me to putting a microscopic lens on how I’m showing up within it, in all areas.
At one period there was a significant imbalance in my personal health and how I took care of myself.
I was nearly 60 pounds heavier than my present weight, and more important than that, I felt lethargic, mentally fatigued, highly inflamed, and just overall unhealthy.
Putting a microscope on that area back in 2013, led me to completely transforming both my physical and mental health (you can read more on that journey, plus see the before/after pic here).
Over time, once that area of my health progressed more into balance, my awareness and sensitivities then became noticeably heightened on my career path.
Since my body and mind were much more ‘still’ and vibrant, I was then able to create additional space and time to put a microscope within that area of my life too.
Which ultimately lead me to the decision of resigning from my prior career, in order to tap deeper into my hearts purpose and mission in life (you can read more up on “why I left my dream Job” here if you’d like).
Then, after this period, my emotional health and communication was put to the test.
By this point I had already leveled up in my physical, mental, and spiritual health (having transitioned into doing deeper and more aligned professional work via personal coaching, which I felt called to do), however I then gained awareness of my inability to authentically ‘be’ with and express certain emotions.
This lead to stepping out of my comfort zone and joining a men’s group to learn how to not only be more vulnerable with others who looked like me (something I didn’t have any experience of growing up), but also the importance of being surrounded and supported by other men who were either actively aiming towards the pursuit of their own purposes, or already deeply entrenched within their life’s missions themselves (you can read more of my story on why I joined a men’s group and how it transformed my life here).
So, now we’re to the alcohol point.
You already have access to the long story (which I linked above), however now since I’m officially 24 months deep, I’d like to share with you my top 5 observations from 2 years of not drinking.
1. Heightened Emotional Awareness
As someone who already felt I had a pretty good grasp on my emotions and how I reacted to them (while still drinking), there is a night and day difference in how I view emotions now.
Maybe at times when I felt sad, frustrated, or tired, I’d reach for a nice glass of wine (shout out to team red lovers).
It felt good to wind down after a long day of work, or when certain emotions (like I mentioned above) were triggered.
What started as a glass here and there, would then progress to one nearly every day, then graduate out at oftentimes 2-3 glasses a day.
Is there anything wrong this?
For the ‘average’ person I’d say no.
However, I’m not attracted to average, as it’s never been an aim or particular outfit that I’ve ever felt comfortable wearing.
As I mentioned above, I have a desire to tap into the highest of reservoirs of my potential, while still here on the planet.
Alcohol wasn’t something that was ‘enhancing’ my life or mission in that regard, so that’s why I shelved it to the side.
On an emotional awareness level, I really became keenly aware of not only my triggers, but the habitual patterns I defaulted into, when certain emotions were flickered.
All in all I gained more of a sense of control of my emotions, as well as a heightened ability to ‘be’ with them, and consciously choose a different response to the ones that in the past may have kept me stuck at a certain level within my life.
2. You become aware of how upset others become of your ‘not drinking’
To this day, I find it a bit mind boggling how others may respond to me at times when I turn down alcohol.
I’m not the ‘rah rah’ beat my chest and look at me type, so it’s not like I openly and passionately preach or share that I don’t drink to others.
Usually what happens if I’m out at social gathering with other people where alcohol is being served or offered, my response is often to say “thank you for the drink but I’m ok.”
Sometimes that’s the end of it, as it leads to the question of “Oh what would you like instead?”
When that is the reply, I’ll then casually express that I’d like a club soda or sparking water with lime (if they have it).
However, this is the best-case scenario (and more times than not, isn’t the response that I receive).
Other times it turns into an event.
“Hmmm, would you prefer a different kind of beer or alcoholic drink?”
“I appreciate it but no, I’m actually ok. I’ll take a soda water with lime if you got it, but no worries if no.” I’ll respond back with.
“Soooooo, why are you not drinking?”
This is when I used to become inwardly upset, turning down the alcohol again.
“I actually don’t drink.” I’ll then share.
“What, why not?!”
Oftentimes I feel uncomfortable because the whole attention of the room will then pan on me, as everyone else is either interested to know too (or distracted by the clear ongoing conversation they’re picking up in a distance).
I then share it’s a personal choice, usually followed by I have nothing against alcohol (sometimes evening sharing that I’ve purchased many bottles of wine for others as gifts).
Usually this is where it ends, but there have been times where I’ve noticed a whole shift in the energy of the room I’m in (based on me not partaking in the adult beverages with everyone else).
At times I’ve felt bad because of it, but over time I learned to embrace this part of myself more openly and confidently (allowing others reactions to be just that, their reactions).
3. You realize that MANY people are closet alcoholics
I notice a distinct awareness in how the ‘vibe’ of a room can shift when the drinks are flowing.
What started as a casual or already fun evening of conversations, can turn into a loud, loose, and more out of control ambiance, once the drinks are flowing.
What’s even more fascinating to me about this is that MANY people are totally blind to how much they use alcohol as a crutch.
For me, it becomes clear as a day.
And I don’t say that out of judgement, but more from a place of heightened awareness to not only what’s being said, but to the body language and ‘energy’ behind the words that aren’t being said too.
Some people become really sad when they’re drunk, others angry, others happy, and others more flirtatious (the list goes on).
In my opinion, alcohol (or rather too much of it) lowers your overall vibration.
Sure, in healthy doses it can be good for the heart (as well as taking the edge off, in times where one may feel anxious or nervous).
However, have you ever looked at a photo of yourself when you’re full of the adult beverages, and compared that to one when you’re in your natural state?
As someone who easily picks up on the energies of others, that’s really what I pay most attention to when meeting or interacting with people.
Not the actual words they’re communicating, but the ‘energy’ and overall ‘vibe’ behind what they’re saying.
In my experience, alcohol provides a temporary high, followed by a hangover (or reduced quality of sleep at minimum), followed by a decrease in overall efficiency or output.
Also, in my experience, I believe alcohol is HEAVILY abused and even accepted by society as a norm (“you’re an outsider if you don’t drink”).
I always like to invite others who may state it doesn’t have any effect on them (who feel they still operate at their highest level with it), to go 90 days without it and see if you notice any differences.
4. You gain an advantage in everything
I sleep better, my mind is sharper, I have more energy, and my sensitivities (as well as what I’m able to pick up from others) is vastly heightened too (I consider this an advantage because it enhances my ability to truly see and ‘feel’ others who I’m coaching or in just in overall dialogue with).
While I feel I’ve always felt this was a superpower of mine, it’s on a whole other level now since I’ve given up alcohol.
Nothing gets past me (since I’m much sharper in each moment than I’ve previously been).
My writing is more efficient, eyesight has actually improved, and my digestion has vastly improved too (alcohol actually slows down digestion, due to the liver needing to process and detoxify alcohol first, before it’s able to put any attention towards food).
Five years ago, I also ‘experimented’ with letting coffee go, after recognizing it was a 2-3 cups a day crutch that was actually taking my energy away (rather than providing a natural source that I could depend on).
I haven’t had any of that since either.
I now wake up earlier (between 5A-6A with no alarm clock) and feel fully rested and energized for the day.
My moods and overall vibrancy of life are now more constant.
And since I don’t take substances that provide a huge spike in dopamine (alcohol, coffee, high sugary foods), then my energy and output is more efficient and smooth (rather than how it used to be in the past, normally going on different high and low peaks throughout the day).
This has resulted in me actually working less, but accomplishing much more (as my focus and ability to work more mindfully is at an all-time high).
5. You Learn Your Real Friends
Some friends are inspired that I don’t drink, others are ‘ok’ with it, and then there are others who have flat out disappeared or distanced themselves when I shared with them that I don’t drink.
It’s interesting because I’ve never judged anyone who drinks as anything other than as a person, who drinks.
I recognize it’s very unconventional in today’s society to not drink, especially at my age of 35 years old.
However, I’m not here to live a conventional life.
I’ve noticed the more my goals and values have shifted towards leveling up on a human potential level, I naturally attract others who live and operate from that same sphere themselves.
I’m inspired by conversations of what one’s dreams are and what they are most excited about (as well as are actively creating) in their lives.
Those who are focused on solutions over excuses, and value living a life that looks fear directly in the eyes, while still choosing to progress forth through them, because of what’s on the other side (are my kind of people).
The more I’ve dedicated myself to that, the less time I have for ‘chit chat’ type of conversations that are centered around excuses, blaming, and complaining (or overall ‘small talk’ in general).
In saying that, I do understand we all have areas where we could use more compassion and grace towards ourselves, as we navigate through life’s different terrains.
However, what I no longer have the patience for (and to be honest no longer attract towards me), are those who frequently complain about the same issue over and over and over again (without taking personal responsibility for it + doing something different to create a new result).
We are a culmination of the five people we surround ourselves.
If those people aren’t inspiring you to not only be your best, but are actively not interested in being their best versions themselves, then it may be time to build a new circle.
“As the only difference between being a master and being a student, is that a master has mastered the art of always being a student.” – TWOM
Wishing you all the best in the continual pursuit of your dreams and deepest life aspirations from afar.
Stay positive and focused on your inner greatness, as the world needs your candle to shine at its brightest.
With Love, 🙏🏿 💜
Brandon
P.S. - I'd like to leave you with this Marianne Williamson quote below:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”