Why Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship
Date night our first weekend in Costa Rica : - )
I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was October 18th, 2016.
Why do I remember this date so well?
It was the first time I met my partner in person.
The day before we both matched on Tinder.
While I usually took my time to get to know prior online matches over the course of several days (and conversations) before choosing whether or not to set up a date, within minutes of our first interaction, I felt an impulse to go straight for the in-person meet up.
She obliged to the offer and we met at a coffee shop halfway in between where we both were living at the time.
I had only been back in the U.S. for a few weeks, as I spent the previous month and a half out of the country in Ecuador going through a Yoga & Meditation Teacher Training.
I didn’t feel any sense of nervousness prior to meeting her.
I had gone on a few other dates before but wasn’t feeling a deep sense of connection with anyone I had matched with either through the app or met in person.
I actually set the intention of completely getting off of the app, as I had planned to delete it just before Veera and I’s paths coincidentally crossed.
However, here we were now on our first date.
Calm, relaxed, and looking directly in her beautiful blue eyes; from the moment we hugged at the first hello, to throughout the nearly 5 hours we spent conversing till well after the coffee shop, I authentically communicated with her my truth.
I told her how earlier in the year I took a leap out of my comfort zone, choosing to go on an 10 country solo backpacking trip throughout Europe for nearly three months, only to then come back to the states and leave shortly after again, to go through the training I mentioned above in Ecuador.
I told her how I had resigned from my successful but no longer aligned six-figure corporate career the year before.
I told her how my biggest dream and desire was to help others better manage life, and the sometimes-overwhelming stressors within it.
I told her how much I loved writing and desired to express myself more openly through the medium (at that point I hadn’t published one single post or even had a website).
I told her I hadn’t made any income at the time and that I was sleeping on my sister’s sofa, with no clear indicator of exactly when that would change (since then I’ve had several months where I’ve created over $10,000 of income).
I told her how my father had passed when I was 12 and how much I learned about life and the importance of having a sense of focus and direction within it (which is an arena I’ve now powerfully support others in four continents on, through lifestyle design).
And last but not least, I told her, on our very first date that I was committed to living and fully pursuing my mission above anything else.
Why do I put even more emphasis on this last piece?
Because I wanted to make her aware from the very onset that my purpose and what I felt God brought me here to express, was the absolute top priority in my life.
In previous relationships I had developed a pattern of becoming so fixated on my woman’s needs, to at times being completely lost within the relationship.
My backbone was shaky.
Trying too often to be agreeable, or holding back in not fully expressing my truth, due to not wanting to rock the boat.
However now I was clear with who I was, where my life had led me, and what I was in the process of creating (even if I didn’t know exactly how, I could see the bigger picture).
Her reaction was 1000% supportive and a couple times she even became emotional and cried as I was speaking about certain experiences within my life that I had overcome.
I bared my heart to this woman.
Openly and with no sense of attachment to how it was received.
Why do I mention all this?
Because one of the aspects that I see many men struggle with is placing their woman’s priorities above their own.
I don’t say this to be misogynist, but I truly believe as a man, your purpose comes first.
And one of the things I see within many relationships is that men are giving all of their power away to a relationship, rather than harnessing their energy on their mission in life.
While a woman does desire to receive attention and feel that she’s at the top of the list in terms of priority of the relationship, she will not fully respect a man until he is pursuing something greater than her himself (at least those in a healthy relationship).
She will not feel your full power.
She will at a subconscious level know that she has the power to control you and your will, which actually creates inner frustration inside of her because she wants you to go after life fully (even if she’s not expressing this).
I lead a Men’s Group and in one of the most recent sessions one of the guys (who’s presently not in a committed relationship) expressed how sad he felt that he didn’t have a love interest to be intimate with.
He authentically expressed how he felt a bit of resentment towards some of the men in the group (as well as within his friendships) who would speak about issues they were experiencing within their marriages or partnerships.
He said it frustrated him hearing that type of talk because “at least they have someone that they’re with.”
I brought up to him how when we go into any relationship from a place of need or attachment to the other, we create a sense of lack if it ends.
How when we’re already whole, in full pursuit of purposefully living within the missions of our hearts, and showing up in the world from that vibration, that we definitely attract women to us.
More importantly, we attract the type of women who resonate on the wavelength within the energy that we’re bringing forward.
We don’t attract what we want, we attract what we are.
I told him how much of an advantage he had in a n extent, as many relationships that involve one or both partners not living aligned to their mission can create some extremely turbulent times while an adjustment period naturally ensues as one awakens to their authentic path.
His face lit up with his realization.
I admire this man.
The way he authentically shares from his heart and commits to himself, is something that continues to inspire and remind me to continue leaning in on my path too.
Moral to the entire story?
Focus on your purpose and the beautiful journey of life will continue to unfold in ways that are undeniably magical and authentically aligned to your highest calling.
I speak this as someone who’s learning each and every day that there is so much that I don’t know, however I’m committed continuing to pursue the path that aligns to what I feel the Creator has in store for and desires to express through me.
Much love to you and all the best in the pursuit of yours.
With Love,
Brandon
P.S. – I just finished updating “my story” and would be grateful if you could take a quick look and share any feedback or suggestions that may come up for you upon reading it.
Peace and blessings to you in the meantime. 🙏🏿💜