What I Learned Giving up Social Media for Three Months
I don’t know about you, but I find it pretty wild that we’ve already surpassed the half year mark of 2020.
This has been a year where I feel all of us to some degree, have really been put to a personal and collective test.
For many, different habitual non-serving thoughts and emotional suppressive patterns have really been spotlighted during some of these uncertain times.
This tends to happen when we slow down. As when we do, more space is created for what truly needs to be seen to come out to the surface.
Personally for me, there’s been two primary areas where I’ve intentionally leaned up against my proverbial edge:
In my relationship to social media usage (specifically YouTube)
In my ability to adapt to not having as much space and quietness at home, as I was accustomed to (pre-Covid lockdown)
The former led me to going on a 90-day YouTube detox earlier in the year, while the latter led to there being an even deeper need of authentic expression around my needs within my relationship on both a personal and professional level.
As one who has a deep passion for holistic growth on all levels, I'd consider myself to be a pretty avid lover and reader of a variety of books (mainly pertaining to topics of psychology, spirituality, health, and relationships).
I believe knowledge is potential power, and outside of experiencing something on an intimate and personal, books provide a great catalyst to absorb and access deeper levels to ones consciousness. In 2019 alone I read over 20 books (26 to be exact).
However I noticed my consumption throughout the first month of the new calendar year to be practically non-existent.
After spending some time reflecting on my daily patterns, I became vividly aware that the reason for this decline was simply due to my newly created habit of consuming YouTube videos at nauseam.
Rather in between client sessions, during lunch, on the toilet doing you know what, while in my car running errands, or often while laying in bed just before bedtime, my face was glued to this particular social channel.
For weeks I was in denial about it.
I like to compare to the rope game of tug of war, with only yourself being at both ends of each side.
One level says "ahh you're fine, just keep doing what you're doing."
While the other is whispering, "come on man, you deep down know you're better than this."
I then made the decision to give it up, cold turkey, and for 90 days. I completely deleted the app off my phone.
While this may sound minimal to some on the surface, I personally knew this pattern I had created, was no longer serving me. Though it took me weeks to fully honor this and create a personal commitment around creating distance away from it (as addictions often have an insidious way of slowly appearing at times).
During the 90-day detox I not only noticed that time seemed to slow down, causing me to feel more calm, grounded, and focused, but also that I was able to effortlessly read/listen to nearly 10 books during this time too.
My mind felt sharper, the quality of my sleep improved, and although I noticed slight withdrawals the first week, the remaining portion of time went by rather seamlessly.
If you find your mind is continuously drifting from one place to another and could be in need of a reset, try going without whatever it feels like may have a stranglehold on you for a couple of weeks to see what/if you notice anything on your end.
Now on to the latter.
I’ve been working at home for years (just over four to be exact). This has afforded me certain routines and expectations on what to expect as far as space and noise levels go on a day-to-day basis.
Which in the past has usually been to an abundant level, as my partner often spent most of her time seeing one-on-one clients at their homes or leading different fitness classes at a couple different studios throughout the city of Austin where we reside.
Well, as you can probably imagine, things dramatically changed when the global lockdown occurred, now leading her to seeing all of her clients at our home online throughout most of the entire day.
I instantly felt a pit in my stomach, as I imagined and knew her voice would assuredly carry into my office, while teaching certain high intensity (and vocally expansive) classes that required a lot of movement and energy.
The first couple weeks were extremely challenging, as I could barely hear myself think on not only certain client calls, but even while choosing to eat lunch or perform different writing activities (similar to what I’m doing now with this text).
I knew something needed to shift, and rather than place blame on her or the situation at large, I chose to set up an open conversation where we both could discuss what we needed to coexist in this new home dynamic, which saw us operating at polar opposite wavelengths on a noise ratio degree.
In harmony with this, here’s some new agreements we made together:
To create open authentic weekly conversations in which we reflected on what each person needs to operate at their best
An agreement that I would wear noise cancelling headphones at times when I desired more quietness
Re-organizing of certain loud centric fitness classes (on her end) to the weekend or latter part of the early evening (rather than first thing in the AM)
An agreement from both of us to create a healthy boundary that separated work and play time from bleeding into one another, leading us to unplugging from our cell phones and electronic devices anytime we would be together (lunch, nature walks, dinner, etc;) – Plus no laptops in the bedroom
Intentional early notice (mainly on my end but vice versa) of times there would be a need for extra intentional, undisturbed quiet time (mainly for work but also for relaxation purposes too)
A commitment to myself, to create some complete buffer time alone every weekend to reset and stay fresh (which is something I’ve learned over time is an absolute necessity)
Last but not least, a commitment to hug and kiss each other before bed each night (and specifically at times when there may be strong discord, where emotions of either anger or sadness would be very prevalent - - which was definitely not a previous pattern of mine to say the least lol)
While these may sound minuscule to some, creating and honoring these during this period of time has led to even more intimacy and deeper connection within our relationship.
I’m not one who’s really big on labels, but one I do identify closely with is that of being an introvert. Not on a social sense, but more on a strong desire to create frequent periods of alone time for myself, in order to operate most optimally.
And although I originally felt an underlying sense of fear in my perceived ability to craft a healthy and conducive allocation of space to myself, I’ve grown to recognize that everything I’ve needed and then some, has been more than provided.
I’m grateful for authentically expressing my truth and exactly what I need to function at my most optimal state.
I’m grateful for this unique and present time in life to slow down, retake inventory of what may no longer serve, and lovingly create more of a harmonized relationship to the opposite.
I’m grateful for this period of time and how it’s allowed for deeper intimacy within my relationship.
I’m grateful for embracing the variety of all emotions that have presented themselves at various periods throughout these past 4.5 months (including fear of the unknown, sadness for needing to cancel an out of country vacation, and anger for certain injustices that have elicited the physiological response throughout my body at certain periods).
I’m grateful for embracing all of them from a deep and sincere place of loving acceptance and appreciation.
I’m grateful for my personal growth and recognizing to a greater degree, an expansion in my capacity to love each and every person on this beautiful planet (no matter ones political, economic, religious, or structure of their personal values).
And if your eyes have made it this far, I’m genuinely grateful for you too.
For this is a beautiful time to reflect, gain clarity, and create a new relationship to the patterns that truly do serve our highest essence.
If you strongly agree, desire to personally do the same for yourself, and are interested in receiving support along the way, click here for a 30-minute complimentary clarity session. We'll slow down, discuss the #1 problem you're presently experiencing, and create a blueprint to navigate through it.
However in the meantime, continue to stay healthy, peaceful, and compassionately gentle with the inner greatness that resides deep inside of you.
With Love, 🙏🏿❤️
Brandon