Top 3 Hidden Causes of Burnout In Men
As someone who’s personally needed to re-create their lives on a foundational level due to recurring prolonged bouts of mental exhaustion and stress (leading to multiple rounds of burnout), I can deeply relate to this topic at hand.
It often starts with a dullness or inner sense of just feeling both tired and overwhelmed on a consistent basis.
There’s no real spark upon waking up each and every morning.
A common internal thought of “I feel like blah” or “I’m just trying to get through the day,” often replays in the mind throughout it.
No vigor or inspiration is consistently felt, as both the body and mind are really operating from a survival state.
One has been operating for so long in the “lighting the candle at both ends” pattern, that even when they do have flickers of motivation, it doesn’t last very long due to not having enough sustainable energy to truly focus on said motivation for a long enough period to create tangible progress in the direction that they’re aiming.
Can you relate to this at all?
If you can, then today I’m going to share with you the true top 3 true causes of burnout for men (that no one talks about), as well as solutions to begin the process of feeling energized, inspired, and passionate about your work or life in general again.
1. Saying YES Too Much
Us as a human species all have a certain capacity for the amount of energy that we can sustainably harness throughout a 24-hour day period.
Actually, it would more accurately be for around a 16-18 hour per day period (if you take sleep out of the equation).
Some people are natural livewires and operate from a very high energy level where they’re able to perform what may seem to be a countless number of tasks each and every day without much (if any) need for true rest in between.
If you’re one of those people, I invite you to stop reading now because what I’m sharing here would probably genuinely be of no benefit to you (kudos to you for making it this far though).
However, for those of you who have noticed your energy levels just aren’t what they used to be, then please know that whatever it is that you say “yes” to is inevitably going to require a distribution of energy from your tank.
Sounds simple enough right?
However in saying that, what I’ve seen both within my own life and that of many men who I’ve had the opportunity to support over the years is that by the time we first begin our work together, they are truly disconnected from their bodies.
What I mean by this is that they’ve been operating on auto-pilot for so long (doing things a certain way out of routine and comfort), that they’ve overrode the own intelligence of their bodies.
You see the body is ALWAYS communicating to us what it needs at any given time, but the key is really about being able to truly slow down enough to hear what it’s saying.
“Can you have X report in three/four days by this Friday?”
“Are you available to attend X newly scheduled meeting later this afternoon at 3PM?”
“Can you reply to X email from earlier before lunchtime today?”
While all of these on the surface are very inconsequential questions (which I’m sure all of us can relate to receiving at one point or another), they are actually examples of the entry point to opportunities for greater self-awareness.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that the majority of men solely make decisions from their head without taking consideration for what their bodies may be asking for.
What I mean by this is maybe the answer to all three questions above is a solid yes.
What is a solid yes?
A solid yes is a “full body” yes.
One where there’s a harmonic connection between both the mind and body, which ultimately over time creates more inner trust and alignment on a decision-making level.
Great and pretty self-explanatory right?
However, what if the body contracts or is genuinely giving cues that the answers to said questions above (or others in general) are a no, but the person overrides these bodily signals in order to overpower into doing solely what they deem the mind wants.
On the surface there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, as I’m just providing an example for greater context.
In this said situation, a person becomes more and more accustomed to following the direction of the mind, without putting too much thought or attention to anything else.
Once this is established over time, regardless of whether or not said decisions from the mind we’re truly in harmony with the body, it eventually becomes the norm.
As I briefly mentioned earlier, us as human beings are wired for comfort.
The brain loves repetition so whatever a person does consistently, ultimately becomes their new baseline.
In the case of what I’m mentioning around “saying yes too much,” this comes from two things:
1. A lack of awareness of what one truly wants (making it easy to just drift and do whatever is asked of them)
2. A belief that they are less than or not enough on some level if they say no (aka they may have a strong propensity for people pleasing)
One activity I’d invite you to do if this sparks some reflective curiosity within yourself upon reading is to pull up your calendar from the past month and highlight all of the things that you’ve done each day.
Go through each individual activity and reflect on if it was a “yes, maybe, or no” as far as your desire to actually do said activity.
It’s important to be honest with yourself and not minimize what you genuinely feel inside of your body upon doing this exercise.
The key is truly being sincere with yourself without any judgement. This isn’t something you need to share with anyone else, as it’s for your own contemplation.
Secondly, once this is done, place an arrow next to each said activity to describe your energy levels during it.
Point the arrow up if you noticed an increase in your energy while doing said activity.
Down if you noticed your energy went decreased during said activity.
Or a sideways arrow if you felt as if your energy was neutral or the same during the course of said activity or event.
This simple reflective practice in itself, can offer an insight as to what activities may be causing the most drain of your energy, which gives you not only the awareness to better see it for yourself, but also the opportunity to get real with yourself in creating the conditions to either let them go (or construct them in a new way that is in greater alignment within yourself).
2. Not Creating Enough Intentional Times for Spaciousness (aka schedules are way too full)
Are you on a meeting treadmill?
I consider a meeting treadmill to be the exhausting cycle of endless back-to-back-to-back meetings throughout most of the workday (leaving little to no room for anything else in the time between).
One of the aspects I’ve seen time and time again for high-performing men who are in a state of mental exhaustion is that their schedules are WAY too full.
Their mindset may be one of performance and doing the absolute most that is possible throughout a workday, but the overcrowding of their calendars is not only actually hindering their performance (which is an actual blind spot for many), but may also be one of the primary reasons for them consistently leaking energy from their lives too.
Going from one meeting to the next and to the next (steadily over periods of time), is a recipe for burnout.
There’s no space or time for true integration of what was stated during the previous meeting because one is jumping into another one immediately after said meeting is complete.
Many men don’t realize how mentally taxing it can be for the brain to not only take in information via visually or auditorily, but also how overstimulated the mind can become from all of the inputs it receives over the course of a day.
Fun Fact – Did you know the human mind has anywhere from 60,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day?
It’s akin to shoving as many clothes as you can in a laundry basket.
When you first start out, you toss a few items into the bin.
As time goes on, if the clothes aren’t washed and you toss more and more into the bin, that bin becomes full.
And even when it’s full and there may not be any space to put in anymore (without falling over or overflowing to the side), one then chooses to manually push down the clothes that are already stacked to the brim of the bin, in order to make for even more to fit in.
I think we all can relate to this visual in a realistic way.
However, what if that’s exactly what you’re doing to your mind on a day-to-day basis with having an overfull schedule without any genuine breaks within it.
I can tell you that that is exactly what you’re doing if that is indeed the case.
Over time this becomes a normal habit.
Once said habit is formed, that’s when the auto-pilot behavior of doing it over and over again kicks in without any resistance. And once this is done for a long enough period (each person’s nervous system capacity is uniquely different, so it really comes down to one’s baseline), then this ultimately graduates into a blind spot of why you may feel burnt out.
And I want to be clear that this isn’t bad or wrong, as it’s more so just something that has always been done that is no longer serving your mind, body, and overall energy levels.
Solution Time:
1. Incorporate a minimum of 30-minutes in between meetings for yourself. During this time take a few notes, go for a short walk just to better integrate what you took in during the prior meeting, and set an intention for what you’d like to accomplish for the next. This time is not to be spent on Instagram/LinkedIn or any other social media platform. Again, this is time for yourself to just “be.”
2. If not already active for you, try incorporating a mindfulness-based meditation practice. In just as little as 10 minutes per day you can relax your mind, better integrate your thoughts, and create more internal spaciousness for yourself. I’ve even co-created a short one with a musician acquaintance of mine in the UK (shout out to Andy Mort on the beautiful background piano within it), that I’m more than open to share if you’d like to give it a try yourself. Just send me an email to brandon@brandonbennett.com with the request and I’ll send it right over to you.
#3. The Vast Majority of Time and Energy Being Focused Outside of Your ‘Zone of Genius’
This is an area that I’ve spoken at great lengths on in the past, so I won’t spend a ton of time deeply divulging the breadth of context around this, but I’ll give a shortened version (you may refer to an even longer and more detailed writing discussing it here).
The ‘Zone of Genius’ was coined by bestselling author Gay Hendricks (who happens to be a mentor of mine) in his book The Big Leap.
In it he describes that whenever each of us is doing some task or activity, we’re always operating within one of four zones:
1. Zone of Competence
2. Zone of Incompetence
3. Zone of Excellence
4. Zone of Genius
Zone of Competence
When we’re operating from our Zone of Competence, we’re doing activities that we feel capable of doing, but are neutral for us on an energy level (meaning there’s no increase or decrease of energy while doing them). Also, the vast majority of others, think like 80% of the population, could do the exact same thing at a similar level.
An example for myself would be making smoothies.
I feel proficient in throwing blueberries, bananas, some raw honey, and a scoop of protein in the blender, leading to a smooth and nourishing smoothie as an end product. However, the act in itself of making smoothies (at least in the way I do them) is something I feel the masses are just as adept at doing too. This defines the Zone of Competence.
Zone of Incompetence
When we’re in the Zone of Incompetence, we’re doing an activity that we wholeheartedly know that we’re just not any good at. We may become frustrated and notice a significant dropping of our energy levels while doing said activity.
An example for myself would be in doing anything tech related for my website.
When it comes to backend website customization or creating anything that has to with the building of a site, I notice a huge drop in my energy and I’d rather not be spending any time doing said activity.
This is the meaning of operating from your Zone of Incompetence.
Zone of Excellence
This one is interesting because the title itself leads one to potentially perceiving this area as the highest expression of where one would want to be. And to an extent it almost is (keyword being almost).
When in your Zone of Excellence, you’re doing an activity or task that you are genuinely really good and highly skilled at. You have the confidence, knowledge, and experience to know that while doing said task, you not only will complete it, but you even do so on a high enough level to where others may even complement you on it.
An example for myself would be around nutritional coaching. I have an exercise science degree from college and many different certifications based on functional nutrition and how to utilize food and natural supplements to support energy and balance within the body. While I’ve completely shifted my own health (losing over 50 pounds at a point – which you can read more on that journey here if you’d like), plus supporting many men in completely transforming their own levels of personal health (to which others have sustainably lost anywhere from 20-50 pounds of weight and show up completely differently in their lives), this area is actually in my zone of excellence.
Why is that, you may be wondering.
Because even though I’m really great at it and have the personal as well as professional proof to back that up, it’s something that if I spend the majority of my time focused on or talking about, I actually notice a decline in my energy.
Meaning it’s not an area that is regenerative for me.
Regenerative is when an activity or skill energizes you rather than drains you – it fuels your creativity, passion, and growth instead of depleting you. Ultimately you consistently feel inspired to do said activity over and over again.
Talking about the quality of food, nutrition, and natural supplements and how it relates to the body is something I’m exceptionally well versed in, however it resides in my Zone of Excellence.
Zone of Genius
Now we’re where the rubber meets the road :- )
When in your Zone of Genius, you consistently operate from a state of flow while doing an activity that you are an absolute expert in. Time slows down and you not only are highly focused on the activity at hand, but it’s also where your uniqueness (aka genius) is on full display.
Since you enjoy said activity, you continue to do said activity over and over again, to which you continually improve to the point of being a genius at it.
However, this genius is only unique to you (as it’s not something that can be copied or faked by others).
It’s a culmination of your experiences, the time spent, and most importantly, the REGENERATIVE feelings that occur inside of you when you’re doing it.
Again, regenerative is an elevation of how you feel in both your mind and body while doing the activity.
For me, I’ll share two:
1. Writing personal development blogs where I share my experiences with others all around the world.
As an example, as I write this to you currently, I’ve been at it for roughly two hours and I’m just a shade under 3,000 words. Time has flown by for me while doing this. I not only love it personally for myself, but also deep down know it’s a part of my purpose and is creating a positive impact in the world (or at least from my perception it is). By the time of submitting this to here to my website, people on my email newsletter, and via LinkedIn, it will easily reach over thousands of people from all around the world who can choose to read it at their leisure.
This comes effortlessly to me and I love writing so it’s something that I continue to do on a daily or weekly basis. It’s regenerative for me.
I often receive very thoughtful and kind private messages as well as emails from others who express their appreciation from some of my writings and the personal impact it’s created in their lives.
There’s a distinct difference I inwardly feel while receiving compliments around this, rather than the areas within my ‘Zone of Excellence,’ as it touches a deeper place inside of me because of it being something I absolutely LOVE to do.
Does that make sense?
Let’s move on to my 2nd genius area :- )
2. Being in 1:1 deep coaching conversations with men who are:
- Curious + growth oriented
- Thoughtful and self-led high performers
- Have a desire to be their absolute best version (whatever that means for them)
- And are purpose driven (those who realize this life is bigger than just them and deeply feel it’s of importance for them to create a meaningful impact or legacy while still here in the world)
Men who have a calling on their hearts that they want to bring forth from a place that resides deeply within every cell of their being.
This shows up not only for me professionally but personally too. When I’m asking questions or coaching others around their deepest life aspirations, their dreams, and why it’s important to them. I experience a buzzing throughout my mind and body. It’s hard to fully put words to, but I absolutely LOVE it. It strokes both my naturally curious and inquisitive side as well as my futuristic and strategic side too (for those familiar with CliftonStrengths, my top two strengths are 1. Strategic and 2. Futuristic). There’s NOTHING more that I love in life than seeing people win in life (and by “win” I mean whatever they would define that term to specifically mean for them). Deeply reflective + forward progressing dialogues are the oxygen in which I breathe from on a day-by-day basis.
To that point, I’ve supported men in creating:
- Dream jobs and careers (over a variety of different industries, including from becoming successful first-time entrepreneurs to promotions to fortune 500 organizations)
- Negotiated pay raises of up to 30% with their current employers
- Repaired relationships with their fathers
- Clarity in identifying their deepest purpose
- An over 60% increase in non-profit funding (while the leader himself worked less)
- Multiple President Club Award winners (aka top sales and leadership awards given within a company)
- Mastery of emotional awareness and body-intelligence (leading to peak energy levels on a consistent basis, enhanced communication and connection in their intimate unionships, and greater trust and peaceful productivity in their professional relationships)
And all of these coming from a healthy, calm, and mentally way of showing up.
These two areas are where my Zone of Genius lies.
I mention all of this not to brag but to hopefully elicit some insight within yourself, if you indeed are at a time where you truly feel mentally exhausted, overwhelmed, and on the cusp of burnout within your own life.
Solution Time:
- Set 30 minutes of quiet time aside (with no distractions) and think back to the aspects that excited you most when you were a kid. What was it that you loved doing the most, the activities that your parents would need to pull you away from because you would be so consumed and engaged while doing them? Write out whatever comes up for you.
- Also, you may answer these four (4) questions which are directly from The Big Leap book I highlighted earlier:
1. What do I most love to do? (Something you can do for long periods of time without getting tired or bored)
2. What work do I do that doesn’t seem like work? (You can do this ALL day and never break a sweat)
3. In my work, what produces the highest amount of abundance & satisfaction, to the amount of time spent?
4. What is my unique ability? (Your unique ability is usually camouflaged inside of a skill you already possess)
All in all, I hope this has been helpful to you and opened up a possible new way of thinking and approaching the topic of burnout.
I believe if you’ve gotten this far in your reading, you may harbor the same belief that I have around all of us humans really being here on this planet to thrive. To do things that we love, surround ourselves with people who inspire us, and to utilize our unique strengths to their highest capacity in order to make not only our lives but the world a better place. I believe the more men who are doing that (and doing so in a peacefully productive and meaningful way), the more large ripples take place throughout the globe, which invites others to do the same within their lives too. This then creates a regenerative life for us all.
With Love,
Brandon
P.S. Wondering what to do next? Here are a few ways we can stay connected:
Join My Email list: Get bi-weekly thoughts on men’s leadership, peaceful productivity, and communication mastery by signing up at the bottom of this page.
Learn about the next Powerful Men’s Group (applications open April 13th): Join a small group of thoughtful high-performing men committed to elevating their personal and professional lives.