How to Release Stored Emotions from the Body for more Aliveness

I’d like to share with you an insight that I’ve come to learn about myself over the years.

One that has fundamentally changed my whole entire relationship not only to myself, but in how I relate with others too.

It’s something that I’ve grown to learn is of utmost importance for me, in how I continue to evolve and grow as a man, husband, brother, and leader within my life.

Though it’s an area I’ve put a tremendous amount of time and energy into cultivating a great deal of awareness towards, it still requires a frequent intentional practice for me to ensure I’m operating from my most whole, authentic, and powerful self.

That “thing” is rooted in the mind-body connection of emotions and how to effectively clear them in a healthy way.

TEARS POURING THROUGH ME OUT OF NOWHERE

Before I dive deeper into this, I’d like to firstly start with a story from over ten years ago, which took place after my 2nd yoga practice ever.

About a couple months before this time, I was actually arrested and spent a night in jail for a public intoxication.

While on the surface I was living the dream, working as a senior consultant for the #1 valued sports franchise in the world, beneath that, for several months leading to said arrest, I was living recklessly.

Over consumption of alcohol, women, caffeine, and the Dallas nightlife scene.

While I’ll save the greater details for a future time, let’s just say the arrest woke me up.

It offered a time of deep reflection for me, albeit in the county jail and by force.

No cell phone, no booze, no women, no night life.

I was only there with my thoughts, and as I sobered up, those thoughts became clear for me.

Something needed to internally shift inside of me.

Shortly after this is when I decided to join a yoga studio a few blocks away from my apartment.

To this day, it was one of the most humbling experiences of my life (as far as not only how challenging I found the practice to be, but also in seeing just how tight my joints were throughout my body).

While the first class in itself was difficult enough, something unique and very unexpected happened after the second.

As I entered my car, tears began to fall from my eyes.

I looked at myself in the rearview mirror to ensure what I believed I was noticing was actually happening.

“Yup, I’m definitely crying,” I thought.

What was shocking to me though was that I didn’t have any thoughts at all beforehand.

It was like emotions were being expressed through my body without any conscious awareness of what was behind them.

HIPS DON'T LIE

After a conversation with one of my female friends at the time (who was more seasoned as a yoga practitioner), I experienced for the first time (at least from my own awareness), how emotions are both stored and can be released within the body.

The emphasis of that particularly yoga class was on hip openers.

Even though I was no stranger to weight lifting at the gym (shoutout to my all chest no legs men), stretching for me was an afterthought.

And even beyond that, I had never done some of the poses and stretches that were done within that studio yoga class that “teary” day.

I learned (first hand) what can happen when emotions are released from the body.

In the months leading up to that time, as well as after my arrest, I felt a deep wave of different emotions that I hadn’t put words or true processing to.

I felt fear from what would happen if my organization found it.

I felt sadness for how I had even allowed myself to get to the point of being arrested.

I felt both shame and embarrassment for how I clearly couldn’t control my alcohol (even while hosting friends from out of town in a city that they had no familiarity of).

And I felt anger towards myself.

MENTAL PROCESSING IS NOT ENOUGH

While I can now reflect back on all of the different emotions that were present for me during that time, most of what I had truly done during this period was actually suppress them.

I didn’t tell a soul about my arrest.

I didn’t write or journal about what had occurred or what my internal experiences were of said incident.

The only processing I did was all mental.

Just going back and forth on what I could’ve done differently or how I would never do it again.

While the latter can be useful at times, what I’ve learned is that emotional clearing is a much-needed practice, that when done consistently, creates more vitality and aliveness for me.

How this shows up for me today is through having a very keen awareness of when I feel “off” in my body.

When this occurs, I write out and/or verbally communicate what I’m experiencing within my body.

Naming the sensations (tightness in chest, dullness in stomach, increase in heartbeat, shallowness of breath).

I then identify what the underlying emotion is that I’m experiencing.

Some of the main basic ones are fear, anger, sadness, joy, shame, and sexual feelings (which believe it or not is an actual emotion).

After I’ve identified that, if it involves another person, I do my best to set up a conversation with them to communicate my experience directly to them.

Also, I bring it to one of the men’s groups that I’m a part of, which provides a safe and non-judgmental space for me to put a voice to what I may be experiencing but feel some vulnerability around.

I also have weekly scheduled times blocked off my calendar where my wife and I have an intentional practice of revealing ourselves.

This is where I share any withholds I may be experiencing in the days since the last one we had together the week prior.

PUTTING A VOICE UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE

Why do I mention all of this?

Because this is oftentimes what I see as the growth edge for many men (myself included).

There may be a belief when one feels “off” to just suppress it, push yourself more, and conquer said emotion so that it’s not “in the way” of what it is that you need to get done.

However, this is one of the MAJOR blind spots I have seen show up in the past within my own life, as well as different clients I’ve served over the years.

It’s not about adding more stuff to one’s plate or continuously “pushing” through from a place of fake stoicism.

No, emotions are real and they hold a tremendous amount of potential energy within our lives (and bodies).

Oftentimes the biggest (and most sustainable) breakthroughs come when one is able to slow down and intentionally flash a light bulb on the areas that are going on beneath the surface; getting out of the often overstimulated and fast moving head space, in order to create enough space for the wisdom of the body to be heard.

Putting a voice to what’s underneath the surface level iceberg (pictured below) allows more potential inner power to be both felt and directed within the world.

INTENTION AS AN ENTRY TO EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

For me I’ve grown to recognize that it’s not what or how much “I do,” but who it is that I’m actually “being” that is far more potent and impactful than the former.

“What is my intention for _____?”

This is a consistent question that I reflect on and ask myself prior to activities in which I’m doing.

What is my intention for sharing this blog?

What is my intention for reaching out to a friend to ask them if they’re open for me to share something I’ve noticed or recently seen based on their actions?

What is my intention behind responding to an action from someone that I may disagree with?

Years of men’s groups and 1:1 coaching where I’ve been on the receiving end, has (and continues) to be an area that I recognize for myself, peels more and more layers of the onion away, in order to continue to tap more and more into my own inner power and how I show up in the world.

I say all of this from the place of being a humble confidant. From being a man who is committed to self-mastery and from that place of it being my highest intention for how I live, both continuing to honor and acknowledge that the only way to stay on the path of such is by remaining a committed student (aka lifelong learner).

As I’ve released the former belief that there is a mountaintop or anything external that is responsible for my own sense of wholeness and happiness, I’ve come to believe that whatever I may be experiencing in any given moment is for my highest growth, no matter whether I am able to fully see the reason as to “why” it may be occurring.

And from this place, I choose to show up and lean into what spirit desires to move through me, as “the body” in which I’m housing (and writing this to you from) is but a small fraction of physical space in which I take up in the world (less than a bead of sand).

I believe I’m only here to steer the compass of where the Divine/God/Universe wants to direct me.

From this place I see the servicing of, listening to, and taking care of the body, as a direct correlation to how sensitively in tune I am with myself, and the amount of potential energy my nervous system can effectively manage.

Which in my eyes, allows me the capacity to powerfully serve humanity and others who resonate with these words and are on the path of expanding their own nervous system capacity. This is how they can actualize more of their heart's deepest dreams rather than default back to what may internally feel like a comfortable baseline (that in actual reality is keeping them playing smaller than what they deep down know they are truly capable of).

With Love,

Brandon