Presence over Performance
Photo cred: Samuel Austin via unsplash
Language is one of the most fascinating and powerful aspects of the human experience (in my opinion).
One of my first dreams when I was 9 years old was to be an NBA commentator.
Growing up I watched a lot of Dallas Mavericks games with my pops (rest in spirit).
And during them I would imitate the commentators (adding my own style) during them.
For my basketball aficionados, this was around the time when the Mavs had Jason Kidd, Jim Jackson, and Jamal Mashburn (better known as the Triple J’s).
I LOVED and looked forward to every single game, no matter the outcome.
Of course I wanted my team to win, but more than that, it offered an opportunity 2-3 times a week during the season to experience a sport that I loved, while also simultaneously having fun with my commentary (which came very effortlessly).
Even when I would play basketball by myself or with friends at the park, I would pretend like I was one of the top players as I passed behind the bank or shot a mid-range jump shot.
And you know with me shooting it, more times than not it was nothing but net ;- )
While I didn’t know this at the time, reflecting back on that period of my pre-teens and what was created within me on a language level, is something I recognize to have played a very poignant part of my life in all of the subsequent years ever since.
That being the power of language and what it can create within your own as well as others experiences.
There was a certain vigor and liveliness that would come through me in my pitch and demeanor while interpretating what it was that I was seeing on the court through my voice.
While it felt very natural and effortless to me, I received quite a bit of feedback from friends and my parents on how energized I’d become and skilled I was at it.
Not thinking anything of it then, I just brushed it to the side and thought of it more as a fun game, something I liked to play around and experiment with.
There was no pressure to perform around it.
No goal at the time of what it needed to be or how others needed to be perceive it.
It was just me purely speaking from what felt alive inside of me, and the allowance of whatever words wanted to be conveyed then.
I was obsessed with basketball as a whole.
I’m talking the collecting of cards, reading of the weekly newspaper to memorize each of the top players stats, the buying and playing of the video games (shout out to earliest years of NBA Live ), and the attending of camps and basketball tournaments throughout the year.
While I did have the goal of wanting to improve my skills and be better than my peers, I also thoroughly loved the act of just playing the sport and growing within it in general.
Why do I mention this?
I mention it because I recognize the through line of what my first dream was just over 30 years ago, to what still creates the same feeling of aliveness within me today; which is the art of being in the present moment.
Now I’m human just like everyone else and have goals, aspirations, and aspects that I am in action towards continuing to cultivate and create, however I recognize when I’m at my purest and most present state, what’s being experienced is a sense of flow.
A sense of being present with whatever is in the moment (without trying to fully control it).
A sense of enjoying what the present moment is bringing up for me to see.
An acceptance of being in pursuit of something far greater than myself, and seeing the challenges that may appear along the way as opportunities to reflect on and refine.
I was recently in a session with a client where our dialogue naturally progressed to the “dance of experimentation and systems” (my words).
They communicated how they already know exactly what they need to do to move their online business forward, however “there just isn’t enough time in the day for me to do so” (their words).
Admittedly they had their first child just over a year prior, were navigating a large consultancy project, an alternating baby duty schedule with their spouse, and a highly creative mind that has a million ideas of professional aspects they want to implement and spend time with (while at the same time an inner resistance to really leaping forward on any).
The story of “just not enough time in the day” was something that had been playing out in their minds for some time, leading to a belief of that thought being true.
As we talked about the art of experimentation and how everything in life is a system, something began to shift within them.
I talked about how the side that they sleep in the bed, the way they brush their teeth, the way they hold their baby, and even the way they put their shoes on, is all a part of a system they’ve created.
The “baby duty” schedule they created with their significant other is a part of their daily system.
I then asked with a completely clean canvas, what could a new system look like for you?
They mention that they have so many ideas that they don’t know where to even start.
I then invited them to share them with me.
They named five.
I said “what else?”
They name three more.
“What else?” I asked.
They named 2 more.
“Anything else?”
They named one more.
“What else?” I asked.
They sat with their finger pressed against the side of their head, clearly thinking if anything else wanted to come through.
They then proceeded to name two more things.
“Anything else?” I asked again.
“No I think that’s it,” they responded.
“Are you sure?” I asked one final time, just to ensure everything was out.
“Yea that feels like everything.”
“How do you feel after naming all of those?” I asked.
“I feel great, much lighter. However that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have enough time to do all of these things.”
They had named just short of fifteen activities they wanted to be doing that they weren’t currently (I know because I wrote all of them down).
“This is really great!” I enthusiastically responded to them with a smile on my face.
I then asked if they would be open to experiment with a new system around all of what they shared.
“Sure I’m open to hear it.”
I then asked what if you allowed yourself to write out all of these on a dry erase or poster board, giving yourself space to continue to add to it as more creative ideas come to you.
“Ok, yea, I can hear that.”
They were clearly wondering where the hell I was going with it.
I then shared the premise was to give all of those creative ideas an outlet to be seen on one end, while also creating space for an intentional implementation of the one or two that feels most alive for you at a given time.
“One board for all of the creative ideas, another one where you take 1 or 2 of the ones listed and created a trackable plan on how you’d like to incorporate them.”
Maybe it’s 2-3 times over a course of a week, maybe it’s once a week for a month, maybe it’s four days a week for two weeks.
I could see they were starting to feel my drift.
“By having your creative stream of consciousness board on one side of the room, and your implementation board separate in another area, it may allow you to play with integrating one at a time. In order to gain more data as to what is useful or working, and what you recognize no longer isn’t.”
“The best part is it’s completely your system and by tracking it you are able to reflect on the usefulness of it.”
This is what I call the dance of experimentation.
It’s not about “performing” or trying to force something into existence, but more so staying in the dance of what wants to come through at a given time.
The pivot (which is not so coincidentally the name of one of my favorite podcasts) is a muscle that I think is vastly important in the ever-changing landscape we all live in today.
And in a world that’s constantly changing, it becomes less about performing perfectly, and more about staying connected to what’s real.
For me, that’s what presence over performance means.
It’s not about removing structure or ambition.
It’s about not losing yourself within them.
Staying connected to what feels alive, even as you build, create, and move forward.
With Love,
Brandon