How to Identify your Greatest Superpower as a Highly Sensitive Man

Your biggest vulnerability is your greatest superpower.

It’s the area where an enormous amount of potential power is brewing, waiting to be fully expressed.

It’s an area that often has many guards around it, in order to protect it from being fully seen or touched.

Does anything come up for you right away when I mention this?

For me, the area that has been my greatest teacher is around communication.

Throughout the middle of my childhood, I had a profound stutter.

Even though I knew exactly what I wanted to verbalize inwardly, there was a frequent breakdown when it actually came to coherently sharing those words outwardly.

I felt really insecure when it came to back and forth conversation (especially in group settings), as my anxiety would kick in and the stuttering would become worse.

I also had difficulties with both reading and writing too, as I was all but diagnosed with having dyslexia in the 1st grade, to the point of my teacher then, heartfully sharing with my mother that if I continued at the same rate, I would need to be placed in special education class.

Needless to say, I became even more motivated to do all that I could to stay in the same regular classroom setting, as well as progress forward into the next grade level with all of the other students of my same age.

After countless hours of studying after school with both my teacher, as well as at home too, I began to not only grasp the English language more, but also discovered a deep appreciation for it.

However, even with all of that progress, for the vast majority of my life I held back speaking my truth, for the fear of how it may be perceived by others.

Unconsciously I was a highly committed people pleaser.

When it came to setting healthy boundaries that prioritized my own sense of self and well-being above others, I considered that to be selfish.

But what if my mother needs ____? (rest in spirit mom)

Or my employer/boss ask me to do _____.

Or my spouse express that they need ____.

I always put others above myself, feeling as if my own innate happiness could only come from a sense of approval from others.

This led to the self-creation of inner resentment.

Issuing blame on everyone except the person in the mirror.

What I’ve found most fascinating in my journey around fully honoring my truth and living the life that I deeply desire is that there are many others who are experiencing life the exact way that I struggled with for many many years.

While I used to feel so alone and misunderstood around it, I’ve grown to learn that ultimately the more and more I’ve stepped into this once extremely uncomfortable area, the more my authentic self continues to show.

The more my opinion of what others think of me dissolves.

The more I realize that healthy boundaries and authentic communication is (and always has been) 100% of my own personal responsibility.

Our closest relationships are avenues for our deepest growth.

They continuously flash a mirror on the areas within our lives that we may be playing small, or not elevating into our next stage.

I’ve facilitated men’s groups for the past two years, and there’s no other place where this is more evident to me than in here.

More sensitive and heart-centered men can oftentimes struggle with balancing the fine line between honoring their own needs, versus overstretching themselves in being there for others (especially those in which they love the most).

However, if they don’t create a new and more uplifting relationship to stepping deeper into their own personal truth (while at the same time having the tools to lovingly convey that to others), then the same repetitive and often life-long patterns of shrinking or contracting oneself continues to reappear.

And guess what, when that inner wound is touched by another (albeit through ones words or actions), the same reactive experience continues to become stronger and stronger.

You know why this is?

It’s because the body and brain on a physiological level are hardwired via repetition.

If we have the same reaction to a certain emotional charging experience, over and over again, then that innately becomes our autonomic response (over and over and over again).

Not only that, but in order to break it, it takes time, energy and intentional effort to recreate anew.

Growing up I, like I’m sure many others who may be reading this, was taught that the emotion of anger was bad or wrong.

I associated anger with danger.

When I became upset, I didn’t know how to verbalize or process it.

Sometimes when the anger became too much I would scream or shout back at who was on the other end of eliciting it inside of me.

If it was my mother on the other end of it, I was told that I was a ‘bad boy’ for speaking or doing said action from the anger.

If it was my father, who was a military man with a very hot temper, (whom I felt a sense of fear towards), I would close off and suppress my emotions.

I can visually remember this pattern from as early as when I was 5 years young.

And guess what these behaviors graduated into?

Being very reactive towards women on a verbal level, but non-expressive towards men.

And also guess what…

This unconsciously went on for over 20 years within my life from that point.

It showed up in intimate relationships, my friendships with other males (whom I at a certain level felt fear in speaking up to), and in my professional career (as far as being afraid to step into my power and express how I really felt to my employers, different prospects, or clients too).

However now, I can humbly and honestly say that this area is an absolute superpower for me.

When I see something that needs to be said, I say it (from the heart).

When another’s words (rather it be a friend or a client) aren’t in alignment with their actions, I call it forward.

This has completely changed the relationships in which I attract towards me, because I’m showing up in a way that energetically pulls that forward.

As I’ve shifted into this way of being, some friendships have naturally faded away, while others have become sooo much more deep and profound.

My ability to authentically share with my spouse is on a whole completely different level than it was when we first met five years ago.

The clients I attract has also shifted too.

They’re life-long learners who actually love and crave being invited to look at different challenges they may be experiencing, from a whole new or fresh perspective.

They not only appreciate being held accountable and called forward, they openly embrace the discomfort that can oftentimes appear in the midst of it.

They understand to a high degree, the importance of mindful emotional intelligence, and have a strong desire to improve so they can be better leaders in all areas of their lives.

And even while already being highly self-motivated (appreciating all the life lessons and growth they’ve embodied on their path to this point), they also recognize and are open to receiving intentional support (someone who’s 100% pouring into them, the same amount that they’re so used to pouring into others), and being surrounded by other heartful purpose-driven leaders,  who are on the same path of continually doing the inner work, on the journey of expanding into their highest potential themselves.

If you’re interested in being in a community of other likeminded highly sensitive men, who are here to honor themselves and continue to grow into their most loving, authentic, and peacefully productive selves, then I invite you to set up a conversation with me in order to see if this community may be exactly what you need to elevate to your next level.

P.S. – Growth never stops and there’s no such thing as a mountaintop.

“Unless you change direction, you are likely to end up where you are headed.” – Chinese proverb

Set up a conversation to learn more about ‘The Heartful Leaders Community for Highly Sensitive Men’

With Love,

Brandon