The Beauty of Discomfort
At any given point in our lives, there are times where we just feel like something is off. Rather it be in our intimate relationships, professional work, or maybe even on a motivational level. It’s impossible to be “on” 24/7, and sometimes fully feeling the “off” is exactly what we need in order to make a change.
I think about the beautiful planet we live on and how each and every moment is an opportunity for growth. No matter who you are, what you believe, or where you’re at in life, there are always possibilities to progress forward in any and everything we put our minds to.
One of the areas I'm personally leaning into at the time of writing this is public speaking. I’ve been presented with numerous opportunities in the past to connect and share with others, through the art of story. However one of the main areas of discomfort for me was speaking to groups.
You see as an introvert, there’s nothing I enjoy more than connecting one-on-one with others. I love learning where others are at, what their goals are, and just overall speaking to them in a more intimate context.Especially when surrounded by a calming or peaceful environment.
While this is great and something I get the privilege of doing everyday as a Personal Coach, I had previously gotten to the point where this state actually became a bit too comfortable for me. Meaning I wasn’t actively challenging myself to create another growth area in alignment with my highest purpose.
I feel a big part of my future involves public speaking and though internally I felt extremely connected to the vision of already doing it; my actions weren’t fully congruent to making it a reality in my physical environment.
It was time for me to move past just the visions and take the next step forward (no matter how uncomfortable), in order to lean deeper into the version of my future self.
You see we all have visions of who we imagine ourselves to be, and inner resistance forms when we don’t fully allow that energy to be expressed.
Some of the ways we can do this are by:
Suppressing our deep down emotions
Too much paralysis analysis over action taking
Embodying a constant internal mental state of excuses
Not living our lives in alignment to our inner truth
Making decisions out of fear instead of opportunity
These are just a handful but I think you get my point. We as humans are energetic beings who vibrate at a multitude of frequencies. The only way for us to tap into our highest calling is by pushing past discomforts that keep us small and habitually in the same cycle of unchallenging patterns.
As I mentioned above, one of these areas for me was speaking on stage.
I can vividly remember Easter Sunday when I was six years old. On this date (over 25 years ago) I was to deliver an Easter speech in front of the whole church congregation for morning service.
I remember being super nervous, even though I had practiced rehearsing my speech countless times over and over for weeks leading up to that special Sunday.
While sitting in the audience, which probably hosted around 80-90 people in attendance, my name was now called to give my speech.
As I walked down the main aisle leading to the stage I could feel my heart beat through my chest. My palms then became sweaty, as my gaze scanned the other adults and kids faces throughout the room.
Now after arriving to the stage and having the microphone stand adjusted to my height, the floor was mine.
Breathing heavily, I stood there (mic in hand) looking out into the congregation in a state of shock.
This was the first time I had ever been in front of so many people and every single eye was beaming directly at my small kindergarten frame.
My mother, crouched over in the front row, made hand gestures for me to speak (you know, perform the speech we had rehearsed together probably 100s of times prior).
However I just stood there……… frozen.
I wanted to speak, but my body felt completely locked up.
My mother then came to the stage and stood right next to me, verbally giving me hints on expressing the order of my speech.
While I did attempt to stutter a word here and there, I ultimately ended up leaving the stage that morning to a host of claps and mild laughter, as I embarrassingly left the stage without properly conveying my words beforehand.
Some blurry visual proof from the former day at hand
Now over two decades later, and with a deep understanding of how the human body works on a physiological level, I realize exactly what happened in that particular moment.
I was in a highly aroused state of stress.
My body was pumping elevated levels of cortisol (stress hormones secreted from the adrenal glands) due to the mental and emotional fear I felt on a physical level.
My sweaty palms and inability to verbalize any of the words that I knew existed in my psyche, was due to the “fight or flight” sympathetic nervous response, which took an active hold of my body. This state activates when the body perceives a dangerous threat (rather externally real or internally on a mental or emotional level).
You see our bodies have a great physiological memory system. Meaning rather or not we can consciously remember how we felt during a certain event or period of time, our bodies do so naturally (and subconsciously)without any need for clarification.
And that event was the catalyst for me doing my best to avoid public speaking for over 2.5 decades since.
However I made a recent conscious decision right before the New Year to lean up against this fear and actively work on it. I committed to joining a Toastmasters group and attending every week, in order to learn and continue to evolve into a man where speaking in front of audiences became more comfortable.
I’m proud to say that in just over seven months I’ve only missed one (1) meeting.
I’m also even more proud to say that I’ve received the “BestSpeaker” award for all but one (1) of my speeches to date at my local chapter.
I can say with the upmost honesty that showing up hasn’t always been the easiest. At times I’ve tried to come up with excuses on whether or not I’m really improving or if it’s even necessary.
I’ve had flashbacks at times on stage (albeit in front of a much smaller audience) of that little six-year-old frozen boy, but no matter the inner thought, I’ve continued to edge forward.
I mention all this to say it’s not supposed to be easy.Anything that is truly meant to play a key role in our personal growth and evolution is going to push up against internal areas of resistance.
This is when our limiting subconscious beliefs start to fire out into our conscious awareness and we begin the questioning or excuses game.
“Well maybe I can’t because of _________”
“If it was meant for me to do this then wouldn’t it be easier?”
“Maybe I’m just really not good enough”
We’ve all had these thoughts at one time or another.
And the more we have them, the more they become believable, and the more believable they become, the less actions we’re naturally going to take from this state.
One of the most beautiful life lessons and greatest teachers for me is the tug of war of not only accepting, but also appreciating the challenging discomforts that life brings my way.
The clearer I’ve become on my purpose and the personal responsibility I have as a part in the whole of humanity, the more I realize that in order to fully actualize the life of my dreams, the more I’m going to have to welcome, appreciate, and honor the uncomfortable times, with just as much openness and grace as the more welcoming and enjoyable ones too.
Life is all about taking advantage of the countless opportunities we have to grow. Sitting stagnate, which requires no motion, keeps us in a perpetual cycle of avoidance or staying still.
This leaves us with a choice.
We can either uncomfortably put our heads in the sand and remain where we are; or we can comfortably approach the uneasy times as beautiful lessons that present us with a unique opportunity to improve and ultimately take our next leap forward.
With Love,
Brandon