Feeling Stuck? Ask Yourself these 7 Questions to Gain More Clarity
Life is a continuum of our memories, thoughts, emotions, and the actions that we take each and everyday in the present moment. Even with knowing this at a conscious level, we all at various points in our journey's have felt stuck. Almost like no matter what we do, it’s as if we’re trying to penetrate an immovable object and are unable to fully breakthrough it.
As someone who’s a mindful, yet highly ambitious seeker, I know all too well how the discomfort of this pattern slowly creeps in. Usually it’s without our full awareness in the beginning, but over time turns into a bonafide habit or way of life. It remains this way until it causes enough inner discomfort, to the point that we become more than aware of it, and finally make a decision in hopes of bringing forth a change .
However no matter what the scenario, if you find yourself at this crux of this moment, here are 7 questions to reflect on to gain more insight and clarity on why you may feel this way, and how to begin the process of aligning yourself out of it.
1. Am I currently checked in to the present moment?
Sounds simple enough right? For many of us it actually isn’t, even if we logically feel like we are. In order for us to truly check into where we are or how we feel, we must quiet down all the noise and distractions of life, so that we can become more still and able to clearly hear the messages that our intuition is trying to connect us to.
As humans we usually operate in either a fight or flight state. We’re either relaxed and calm (think of sleepy time or doing something you truly enjoy with no resistance) or in a stressed state (think overactive mental chatter, hardcore physical exercise, or when in direct harm or threat by an intruder).
When we are in the latter, our bodies and minds are not able to relax enough to fully absorb the messages and cues that it’s receiving.
The best way to check in to the present moment is through getting into the habit of focusing on your breath. Whenever feeling over anxious or out of touch with your body, simply closing your eyes and taking ten deep and long breathes, is a great way to calm down and get re-centered. The beauty in this is that the more often you do it, the more this action and state becomes your natural default.
2. What do I need to focus on right now?
If you did step 1, you should currently be in a much more present and relaxed state. It is from this place where we can now get real with ourselves and ask:
“What do I need to focus on right now?”
There are a million different obligations or tasks that we each feel responsible for on a day-to-day basis. Scrolling through your social media, completing a work project, making sure the bills are paid, figuring out what you’re going to eat for lunch, or making sure your schedule aligns to watch your favorite sports team play. Simply put, we all have “stuff” vying for our attention.
However, what is the most vital for you to focus on right now?
Is it health related (lower energy, diminishing memory, poor concentration, weight gain, etc;)?
Does it have to do with work (declining performance, loop of anxiety or mental stress, loss of desire or satisfaction for job, etc;)?
Or is it centered on feelings of complacency (no zest for life, loss of excitement even for activities you used to enjoy, no true passion to achieve and embark on the journey of obtaining the current goals that you have directly in front of you)?
However that may be showing up for you, pick the area in which you deep down know you need to put more attention to the most.
3. Where are my current actions leading me?
Where we are in the current moment is a culmination of the past actions we’ve taken up until this point. Do you like what you see? Maybe in some areas you do and others you don’t. But for the sake of the moment, let’s focus on the things you genuinely don’t appreciate at this time.
Some examples could be:
I really don’t like the fact that I have no control over my eating habits
I wish I had more control of my life and daily schedule, as I feel like life is passing me by
I don’t like how my life feels as if I’m always going from one drama rollercoaster to the next
I find myself frequently making decisions out of fear instead of love, causing me to be indecisive and not clearly see and tap into opportunities to grow
Whatever statement rings true for you or flickers in your mind while reading this is a good bet to pay attention to.
At the forefront of these thoughts are consistent actions, which have led to results, and repetitive behaviors that we’re only able to reverse, if we’re aware of the actions that caused them.
Getting real with yourself on this list can be a huge light bulb moment in terms of getting a true glimpse of some of your blind spots and where you’ve been living on autopilot.
4. What am I resisting?
One of my favorite quotes is “What we resist, persists.”
There’s no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to behavior change. There are many layers that must be penetrated in order for something to become a hardline habit.
Stage 1 – We get motivated to change
We read a book or go to a seminar or workshop and feel inspired afterwards.
That’s it! Now I’m going to start doing “new motivational action” which will lead me “wanted outcome/result”
What happens is we dive into this new routine with great intentions and are still on such a physiological high, that we feel inspired and unconquerable.
That is until….
Stage 2 – We get slapped in the face
This is when the resistance starts firing on all circuits.
Let’s say our goal was to create an online business. We read three books on it, went to a workshop led by a highly successful thought leader on the topic, and we have ALL the necessary steps to turn that vision into a reality. For simplicity let’s say it’s a 5 step formula.
And let’s say we’ve been following steps 1-2 with no resistance, but receive a huge wakeup call just past the halfway mark in step 3. That resistance throws us off momentum wise, and we begin questioning ourselves(the brain loves this).
I’m not good enough
Well maybe it’s not meant to be for me
If only I had _______ then I would be able to doit
Well so and so has “advantage 1, advantage 2, and advantage 3” over me, so maybe it’s just not realistic to me
And that leads to….
Stage 3 – TheChoice
Do you decide to use what you learned as a catalyst to regroup and move forward on the journey or do you fall back, throw in the white flag and go back to the old comfortable but non-expansive habits you were doing before.
This in a nutshell is why some people succeed in life, while others don’t. The people who train their minds to become comfortable in the discomfort and find a way to push through against all odds, are the ones who reap the highest rewards.
Simply put, they take risk and do the things that others are not willing to do and learn to welcome, acknowledge, and form a plan around the resistances, instead of avoiding them altogether.
5. Do the People I surround myself with give me energy or take it away?
Out of all the steps I listed earlier, this one holds a very very sacred place for me. I’ve learned to check into this question often and have learned the hard way when I’ve tried to minimize its impact.
Does your closest circle of friends or family inspire you, do you feel passionate and alive around them, do they challenge you to be great, and do they truly love you?
If the answers to all of these are no, then it may be best for you to completely remove or at minimum create distance from them. This may sound a bit rude or insensitive, but if you’re an ambitious and highly driven individual who wants to continue to improve and be greater than where you’re at, then you need to surround yourself with others who embody that same vibrational state.
For many years I coddled back in forth with thoughts of “but he or she is my friend, I’m loyal to this person because of blank, or I really feel like I can change them or it’s up to me to help them with blank.”
Forget all of that. Be selfish and choose yourself overANYONE else first. You are only able to show up and help people to the degree that you are able to show up and help yourself first.
When we surround ourselves with likeminded energy that is pulling in the same direction, it turbo charges us to expand and reach our goals and aspirations faster.
When we don’t create boundaries for our time and whom we spend it with, we become victims of others vibrational states and “like attracts like” so how do you think that effects you?
6. What Do I Truly Want?
This is the million-dollar question. “What do I truly want?”
About four years ago I had what could only be described as a breakdown when trying to answer this question.
I remember it vividly. My head was in such a negative state in that moment, that I only answered this question with the things I didn’t want. This question was positioned to me by a Therapist and unbeknownst to meat that time, my answers were a clear blind spot and surefire indicator for her of that state in which I was mentally operating from.
Where attention goes, energy flows, and if we don’t truly know what we want, how are we supposed to attract it to us?
It’s akin to sending the universe mixed signals.
If what you want isn’t clear and concise, and it often wallows from one thing to the next, then that’s exactly what you’ll attract back to you. Which makes you a magnet for unclear, scattered, and inconsistent results.
The first step to attracting what it is that we want is getting extremely quiet and intentional with visualizing the life in which we want to live.
This can actually be uncomfortable for the brain, if the previous pattern has been to focus on “lack” instead of “abundance.” Don’t give up though, set a timer for 20 minutes a day for two weeks straight, where you just become present and calm. During this time, write out all the things you genuinely enjoy in life and want more of.
The brain is like a muscle and with more time and training it to focus on your true desires instead of limitations, the clearer you’ll become. And the clearer you become, the greater likelihood of attracting what you truly do want into your life, instead of the latter.
7. What current actions of mine are keeping me from obtaining what I want?
So now you’ve figured out what it is that you actually want.Okay great, so it must be time for it to appear right?
Nope, wrong.
It’s one thing to want something; it’s another to truly desire it to the point of aligning all of your actions in accordance to obtain it.
We all “want” things, but if we truly believe and feel that what we desire is already ours, then our actions will lead us closer and closer to that visualization becoming a true reality.
Here’s the key though. You’re not going to attract what you want from a stressed or chaotic state. Our creative or right brain operates at its been when we are open, clear, and in a non-resistant state.
Simply put, over stressing yourself out about what it is that you want is not going to attract it to you, as you’ll only attract more stress.It’s a pretty interesting paradigm when you think of it, but one that makes total sense.
High stress and high creativity cannot operate at the same wavelength. Just like love and hate cannot coexist at the same time, as they are two completely opposite vibrations. The key is spending more time in an open, loving, creative, and abundant minded state. As when we do this, we’re able to attract and magnetize more of that same type of energy back into our lives. And it is in these states where we’re naturally able to fully tap into our hearts passions and authentic creativity. This leads us to embodying our desires more frequently in the present moment, which over time attracts them directly to us in our physical reality.
With Love,
Brandon